The Raw Truth About Men’s Minds and Relationships

I thought he was lying when he said he slept with my momma.

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Contrary to what academics and hood philosophers may tell you, the need for truth can be a very fluid concept. While there are those who will tell you that the search for truth and the sharing of such knowledge is paramount to a worthwhile existence, the fact is…

…those  dumbasses are single.

In relationships, what constitutes truth varies like the panties a woman owns. What was true on Monday might not be true on Thursday. Truth is ultimately determined by the receiver of such knowledge. One might mistake truth for opinion but truth is in the eye of the beholder or some such sh*t. But people swear they want the truth. But you can’t handle the truth. You also can’t stop the reign. Shaq. Is it befuddling to anybody else but me that Shaquille O’Neal has FIVE platinum albums?

You read that right.

Well, there are certain truths that I get the impression that most women either are curious about or refuse to acknowledge. So what the hell, its Friday, I ain’t got not job (that’s not true), and I ain’t got sh*t else to do (also not true, as I’m writing this I’m filing my taxes, trying not to leave any children behind, and balancing the US budget…public debt my arse). Let’s lay out some truths for all those suckas that don’t know. Check it out. And by the way? Some of them try to rhyme, but they can’t rhyme like this. Some of them try to rhyme, but they can’t.

1. Yes, we’ve thought about sleeping with your homegirls.

Assuming of course they’re attractive. But if you have a good lookin’ homegirl, there’s at least a 100 percent chance that we’ve thought about what it would be like to hit them off at least once. And if wasn’t for “society” and its insistence on “morals” and “right vs wrong” we’d probably have at least attempted to hit on them. But you’d get all in your feelings and we’d start arguing, etc.

2. Yes, we’ve questioned (at least once) whether or not we’re dating the right person.

Especially after we meet your homegirl who seems to be the exact thing we’re looking for from her appearance down to her amazing appreciation for underground hip-hop and basketball stats. Oh, and let’s not forget that she’s fine. Thing is, you all are all crazy so it’s the evil we know versus the evil we don’t know. Plus we’re dating you, if we roll out on you and strike out with her then we’re down two chicks. We’re statisticians at heart.

3. Yes, we believe that a chick getting good schlong automatically has a better disposition or rather, what’s wrong with every evil woman out there is that she ain’t getting any.

It’s a general assumption that an evil heffa of a woman is merely an evil heffa of a woman because she can’t get a man to love her down. She’s not ready for the world because she’s angry. But you add a man into her world that’s giving her some regular booty do, well, it just seems like those women are happier and less prone to male ego murder, emasculation, and all around doucheiness. Oh, and this one is true because really, it just is true.

4. We don’t really need you, we just really like having you around.

Women seem to have this thing about being needed. Okay. Alright. I’m a grown arse man, what do I need anybody for? I want you to be around because I like to hug and kiss on you and watch you walk away nude. It’s a great release. But if you’re not around, somehow, I’ll make due. I did so before you showed up, I’ll do so if you leave. But I’ll tell you that I need you when you ask (which you will do) because you need to hear that I need you or else you can’t understand why you’re there. LL needed love. All Marques Houston needs is you. All I need in this world of sin, is me and my girlfriend. And if you don’t know, now you know.

5. Yes, we think you’re difficult, but the argument to explain to you how and why ain’t worth it.

Because generally, it’s in one ear and out the other. You know and we know it. You just won’t admit it in public forum.

Mantruths. Mantronix.

Those are but a few man truths.

Falks, both man and woman, what are some other truths out there worth mentioning?

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